The Pregnancy Year

Well,
He warned her I was going to message her. told her not to pay me no mind because i'm nothing but drama and bullshit.

Her message to him was about how pathetic I was for making up the fact that I left my husband and that I'm pathetic for lying about being pregnant.

So here's the deal.
My not even yet ex husband is now engaged to girlfriend of three weeks (former close friend)
And the father of my child has managed to completely break my heart, and is off now in relationship land with HSG.

I'm completely broken.

On top of this, things at my job have gotten too out of control for my liking.
So I have to find a new job.

I'm also realizing that I probably won't make rent this month.

I'm realizing more and more that I can not have this baby.

So I'm not going to.

It breaks my heart...but my heart is already broken, so what's a little more damage.

I'm tired of all of this.
I'm tired of my life.

I'm just tired.

This will probably be my last entry here.

I'm so sorry to anyone who is disappointed in me and my decision...

So in a desperate (and pregnancy driven) act of idiocy, I decided to email HSG via myspace.
Babydaddy told me there's nothing going on between them,
So I said "then you won't mind if I email her?" and he said he didn't care if I did.
(I don't think he realized I would)

This is what the email said:

No sign of babydaddy (BD) for 4 days.

With the exception of the occasional text message with some BS excuse as to why he's not around.

THIS JUST IN!

There is an unconfirmed report that BD's MIA status is partly due to one highschool girl he's courting.

My team of detectives confirmed that he was out with said HSG (high school girl) last night.

Hmmmm....

That also includes irritability.

The guy in the cubicle behind me at work is typing so loudly that it's making me twitch.
I mean HAMMERING the keyboard.
How has he not broken his keyboard?
And there's no rhythm to it...just broken up typing

And he keeps clearing his throat.
Can I throw a lozenge at him? NOW?!

Oh and maybe if he didn't SCREAM into his phone his throat wouldn't hurt!

I think I'll take an early lunch and pray that he has a meeting that takes the entire afternoon...

So yesterday was my first Doctor's appointment.

I couldn't help but leave disappointed.
All she did was take blood and ask me when my last period was.

She said she wanted to be sure before taking any next steps.

Apparently 4 positive take home tests isn't sure enough.

I got the bloodtest results today.

Positive.

Next step?

Take another blood test tomorrow.

COME ON, PEOPLE!

It's not like I wasn't having sex and this is some sort of medical wonder here.
I was having lots of sex, and now I'm getting lots of positive pregnancy tests!

What's the mystery?

Can you tell me how far along I am?
Risk of complications?
How will my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome affect this pregnancy?
Will I develop Gestational Diabetes?
What about ectopic pregnancy and chances of miscarriage?
Also, what should I be eating?
How about drinking? I mean, besides milk and water, what's safe?!

Can we accept that I'm pregnant now and tell me how to do this whole thing?
I mean, I am new to the process...

On a slightly different note:

Let's discuss symptoms!

Fatigue - Definitely. I can barely keep my eyes open past 7 pm. I sleep almost 12 hours a night.
Swollen/tender breasts - They're not really tender...but soon enough I'm going to need bigger bras!
Morning Sickness - Not full on - yet. But I do have my "bad mornings" [Today was a bad morning]
Acne - I didn't even know this was a symptom but HELLOOOOO pizzaface!
Bloating - I have to wear my "fat day" pants...makes me sad. I was JUST starting to lose some weight!
Light-Headedness - Like WOAH. Can't stand up too fast or bend over too far or any of that fun stuff anymore. No more headbanging for me I guess!
Cramping - This scared me at first, but apparently slight, period-like cramping is normal
Moodiness - Combine that with the fact that I just had to give up nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine and you have a monster on your hands.
The littlest things make me either cry or want to murder someone!

I suppose that's all for now.

Perhaps next time I will update on babydaddy status?

Allow me to introduce myself, although i won't use my name for a few reasons...

I'm a 22 year old woman, going through a divorce. I have been married for 8 months. 2 weeks after I got married, my husband slept with another woman, then 2 weeks later shipped overseas. He's military.

I found out about the affair a month after he left.
I decided to be the good military wife and wait until he returned to make a decision about our marriage.
That is until I found out about all the other activities he'd been involved with. Mostly over the internet.

Around the end of October 2006 I met someone else.
I kept telling my husband that I wanted to seperate. He wouldn't listen. He claimed he loved me too much to let me go. (Ha!)

It was a long 6 months that my husband was away. I definitely fell for the new man in the meantime. But I still wanted to hold out, thinking maybe that whole "out of sight, out of mind" saying was true.

When my husband did return, I quickly realized that I really did not have feelings for him anymore. I tried to be kind about it. He wouldn't accept that I didn't love him anymore. I finally told him I was seeing someone else, and that he should move on.

Well, he did. To one of my (now former) best friends. They're in love now. They've been together for 2 weeks. And in love.

How sweet.

I really do hope they are happy together.
And that's all I'm going to say about that, since I now have way more important things to worry about.

See, the new guy and I, we shagged like bunnies.
And we weren't always careful.

And now I'm pregnant.

Ironically, new guy "broke up" with me about 4 days before I found this out.
I use that term loosely because he said he doesn't want a relationship right now, he just wants to keep shagging.
So he's still around.
And yes, I did tell him. Right away.

He's not handling it too well.

See, he's 2 years younger than me. So he's only 20 and staring straight into the face of fatherhood.

I'm debating making a pool to see how long he'll last before he fully tucks his tail between his legs and runs.
Might be able to make some extra cash that way.
Let's hope I'm wrong.

He wanted me to get rid of it, but said he'd support my decision.

I decided to keep it.
He freaked.

I'll keep you posted on him - but that's not fully what this journal is about.

I decided I'm going to document my pregnancy and the events that occur throughout.

This should be interesting....